Have you ever stopped dead in your tracks, taken a glance at where you are, and realised that you are walking in the absolute opposite direction to where you wanted to be?
If you have answered yes, then you could say that you're f****d; yet, there is an answer so simple that it will astound your mind!
...Turn around...
It doesn't matter how far down the wrong road you've gone, turn that shit around and get back on track. Leave behind the crap, kick all the crap into the kerb; turn around and don't for one minute regret anything. The simple act of turning around is reward in itself.
To combat the tendrils of depression, I turn to games; there are fewer better games in the world than Daley Thompson's Decathlon (1984 Ocean Software). I get my little Spectrum + and pound away at keys Q and W in order to make the little sprite run faster. It's a joy, and the lesson is to do something joyful that reminds you that you are ok.
Perhaps there are better games, I can only think of Saboteur or Tomb Raider. More to come.
Another accepted form of defence against the broken cup is to learn a musical instrument; this works two ways, first of all you get the enjoyment of a musical piece which brings song to your heart, and then you also get to annoy everyone else in the entire universe if you can't play properly. A lesson then perhaps to learn the basics (lessons can be found on Youtube). I consider the kazoo to be a very fine instrument, and relatively easy to master. They can be bought from all good toy stores, and even (wait for it) at Amazon itself.
Get Your Kazoo from Here
A generally accepted form of punishment for mice is the cheese-tease; this ancient art of torture requires a slab of cheddar sticky-taped to a wooden board housing a spring mechanism. The mouse would then react to the sweet smell of cheddar and thus get snapped into the jaws of the mechanism.
There is a human version, where alcohol replaces the cheese. You can find the human version in most high streets and is quite often referred to as a kebab shop.
While all that is interesting, it does not offer succinct advice for surviving a broken coffee cup; this is because there is very little one can do.
Finally, I have one small widget of advice, always wear sunglasses in the company of strangers. For this I have two reasons, because everything comes in two's; first off...never let anyone see the confusion in your eyes unless you are doing it on purpose, and second, the disguise is handy for when you need to gaze around the room or area in search of someone more interesting to talk to - because ultimately it all boils down to being interesting. Some of us are and some of us aren't, and no amount of broken cups of coffee are ever going to change that.
Stay brave out there my friends. Zac Thraves is a writer and performer from the UK.
Catch my new book, set in the wonderful and poetic world of theatre, right here:
Once the Lights Go Out from Spiked Imagination
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