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writer...performer...sometime pop-up cinema host.

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Saturday, 18 February 2017

When Do You Stop Chasing the Dream (and just be normal)?

I suppose there is a time to stop chasing the dream; whatever that dream maybe, albeit climbing a mountain, which starting a business feels like you are doing anyway; or trying to win the lottery, which it feels like you have more chance of doing that getting anything off the ground in this current climate.

Am I being too negative? Perhaps. I have struggled with setting up a new business for nearly two years now since its inception, and I have reached a point when I am beginning to have had enough. How long do you continue to flog a dead horse before realising that it is, in fact, a goner?

I have sent countless emails and press releases, been in the local newspaper, had a drip of excitement from some people, and had nothing to show for it. There must be a point when you say enough is enough and move on to something else. It takes time and an enormous amount of effort, and that is time and effort that could be utilised better on something that has an opportunity to take off.

There we are, maybe I am feeling bitter about the lack of opportunity. Perhaps it is right to ask yourself if it is working and if it is time to call it a day; or put it all on hold and concentrate your ideas elsewhere.

Self-doubt can lead to self-loathing in my universe; in my head the two are not very far apart. Any failure that I encounter is naturally my fault and nothing to do with anyone else. I am not doing enough; I am not good enough; the concept is not good enough… all sorts of thoughts run past my eyes and end up in the pit of my stomach for my acid to growl over.

I just don’t know what the right time to give something is. Impatience is one of my traits, and expectations are usually unnaturally high for everything that I put my hand to. When the outcome is not the version that I saw in my head then I am distraught and abject. I throw my toys out of the pram and promise to never again set off on a similar venture; only to be lured into something else by my evil imagination a couple of weeks later.

So, when is the time to give something up? Is two years too long? Should I have reached a painful conclusion months ago?

With slumped shoulders I stare at this screen and wait for an answer, knowing that one will not be forthcoming. I have different fingers in different pies and maybe there are not any fingers left. Perhaps I have exhausted myself with possibility and no proof that any of it would work.

Optimism is not a strong power within me; if it even exists at all. With a heavy heart I have much soul-searching to do; but there is also a need to ruthless and determined. Because there will always be something else, perhaps an angle that I have missed; and in the cloud of self-judgement I am not looking at all the paths that could lead forward.

If you would like to discuss booking Splintered Cinema for your birthday, party or event please contact us at splinteredcinema@outlook.com

Zac Thraves is a storyteller and writer living in Kent; if you wish to book him to come along to your party, young or old,  or to give a speech at your local school then please contact him at zacharystories@outlook.com    

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